17 apr Do you live with an IDIOT?
Do you live with an idiot? Hey that's not my word. That comes from Dr. John Hoover, author of How To Live With an Idiot:…
Do you live with an idiot?
Hey that's not my word. That comes from Dr. John Hoover, author of How To Live With an Idiot: Clueless Creatures And The People Who Love Them. He says that “idiot” you're married to isn't stupid, they just don't fully understand how their words and actions affect those around them. So they do things like forget your anniversary, or use the good tablecloth to polish the car.
So how can you deal with this person? Here's his advice, courtesy of the Bottom Line Personal:
First: Learn the magic words. Most married people feel that their spouses don't listen from time to time. But Hoover says idiots seem to NEVER listen. They forget to do what they're asked, or their minds wander during serious conversations. So learn to speak THEIR language. Think about what interests your spouse and use related words to get your message across. For example, let's say they're a hockey fan. Rather than asking, “Can you buy some milk, fix the back door and pick up the dry cleaning?” Tell them, “I need a hat trick from you today.” That's when a hockey player scores 3 goals in a game. Your spouse's mind is used to paying attention to terms like “hat trick”.
So they're more likely to tune into what you're saying, and remember that there are 3 things they need to do.
Next: Pretend you're training a dog. A lot of “idiots” make mistakes simply because they lack the know-how to do things right. So, whatever task you want your spouse to do, walk them through it for a month or two. Then reward their good behavior, and don't take it personally when they mess up.
And finally: Adjust your expectations. Studies find that marriages tend to fail when one partner expects the other to improve. So cut your spouse a little slack. Hoover says idiots don't mean to hurt their loved ones they just don't know any better. And if you try to accept their faults, you'll reduce the pressures and anxiety in the marriage, making things more comfortable for both of you.